Time To Start

Let me start by saying I have struggled with starting this blog for years.  It’s not that I haven’t wanted to write or that I feel inadequate with my writing skills.  It’s simply out of my comfort zone to share my personal feelings or thoughts with anyone other than my immediate family or very close friends.  The struggle is also in part to feeling that I lack relevance to anyone other than those same few people.  

Trust me, I know that God has given me a broad skill set and that I need to use those talents to the fullest.  I am incredibly grateful to have the abilities that I have, and yet my view of how others in turn view me has basically paralyzed me from ever stepping out fully into the realm that I know God has called me to.  I don’t say those things out of fabricated humility or to receive compliments and praise from others.  I’m honest enough with myself that I know my true worth and potential, but also that I doubt that worth in the eyes of others. 

It comes as no surprise that I’m an introvert and an incredibly private person.  The reasons are many and are meant for another time.  For now, I’ll just say that I never learned how to open up to people, to make friends other than those I knew my entire life, and I’ve never stopped being that awkward kid that almost everyone overlooked.   I still feel that others view me as insignificant and unworthy of their time.  Consequently, I don’t give them the chance to ignore me.  I simply close myself off from the get-go and never let anyone new into my life.

That being said, I have decided to jump blindly into something that may or may not succeed.  Either way, my thoughts and feelings are going to be written out for anyone to see.  Vulnerability scares me.  Yet, staying stagnant in my fear of being unaccepted has pushed me to now be exactly what I have feared for so long.  I know that it’s time to end that, piece by piece.  I may never be the outgoing person that my husband is and that’s ok.  But it’s time to let people in and to share what God has given me.